The Lady With The Eyebrows Has Relocations

Phuket, Thailand.

“Why don’t you come by tomorrow and I’ll prepare you lunch,” she asked, while clearing the empty plates and wiping down my table.

“I thought tomorrow’s your day off?”

“I indicate to my place, not the dining establishment. It’s simply a space, but I have a small electrical stove that I utilize on the balcony. I can prepare pad krapow moo for you.”

“Possibly,” I said. “But let’s go get some beverages tonight.”

Residing in Thailand was changing me into a category of guy that I never ever thought I ‘d be. Though it’s also a classification of guy that’s so exceptionally foreign and ridiculous that it’s become downright fascinating for me to observe. I gleefully watch myself as if I were watching some meaningless simulation in a computer game. What’s he going to do now?! What zany experience will befall him next?!

The category of guy that I mention is the kind that gets his waitress at a little, open-air restaurant next to his health club in an alleyway in Patong, Phuket, and after that sleeps with her.

Though I didn’t suggest to choose her up or sleep with her. We were just making breezy conversation about my preferred Online Thai Dating Services dishes and the ones that she was skilled at cooking. It was a late afternoon on a Tuesday throughout low season, therefore the dining establishment was empty and Phuket was uncharacteristically peaceful. The residents were simple, nearly tired, nearly unpleasant, and in requirement of social interaction. Everything occurred so organically.

She was my waitress– the only waitress, really, because 10-seater joint– in her early twenties with chunky hair, soft functions and reasonable skin that exposed her Chinese origins. She dressed fashionably in denim black joggers and matching black V-neck, a lone bra strap teasingly exposed, with trendy, tortoise-shell glasses balanced precariously on the tip of her nose. She was assembled well with the exception of her unnaturally thick eyebrows, Online Thai Dating Services balanced and too arched, that were apparently made use of with a broad, felt-tip marker, the kind with the excessive fumes. They were too extravagant to be an error, and she was too impressive otherwise, so I assume they were a brand-new trend that I was uninformed of.

“You’re not from here,” I stated. She didn’t fit the profile of the other locals.

“Chiang Mai,” stated Eyebrows. “I’m new, though. Eight months.”

“So how come there’s no good pad krapow moo in Phuket?” I asked her. Pad krapow moo– holy basil pork– was my dish of choice that I would consume every day in Thailand. Often two times. Constantly with a fried egg.

“All the good chefs relocated to Bangkok to open restaurants and Phuket’s stuck with the leftovers. The cook here is alright, but I’m much better. He won’t let me touch anything, though. Perhaps in a few months.”

“You like to prepare?”

“Hey, I’m from fucking Chiang Mai– I can cook anything!”

Eyebrows had an edge to her that was too audacious for a Thai girl, who are usually meek and booked while the sun’s still up. I chalked it as much as her living in Patong Beach, where she should be struck on numerous times a day by inebriated, obnoxious immigrants on getaway. (Fortunately, I wasn’t any of these things at this unusual minute.) The joint was empty so she sat and talked while I consumed, about her household in Chiang Mai, her uncle’s restaurant that we were sitting at, and how she believes she was embraced since she’s a “beach, not mountain, girl.” I finished my pad krapow moo and she cleared the dishes.

“Why do not you visit tomorrow and I’ll prepare you lunch?”

Unusual– I never ever got this kind of invite previously, specifically from someone in the service market. This must be the handle Phuket: it’s normal for the waitresses to date the consumers. This shit wouldn’t fly in Bangkok, or anywhere else worldwide.

“Possibly,” I stated. “However let’s go get some beverages tonight.”

Eyebrows left work at 9pm. I left my motorbike at my hotel and walked back to her uncle’s restaurant, in the alley beside my health club. She appeared shorter than previously, however the eyebrows were the same. We strolled a couple of blocks north to Bangla Roadway, rather perhaps the most dreadful street in all of Southern Thailand (drunk tourists, undesirable promotes, flashing bright lights and thumping techno), however we remained in the state of mind for live music, and Bangla Roadway was the place to get it.

We hopped from bar to bar on the primary pedestrian drag, having a hard time to discover a location that matched our mood. Some places were too sports-barry, while others were too Russian hookery. Bangla Roadway has evolved significantly over the previous years because I first came here, the most shocking modification being the white backpacker girls who are now handing out leaflets for the Pussy Reveals, evidently trying to finance their extended journey, while their regional teenage employers lorded over them with 50 baht notes. How the tables have turned.

I stuck to shitty mojitos (since there are no good mojitos on Bangla) and Eyebrows downed shot after shot of tequila.

“I don’t truly like to drink,” she stated. “My trick is, I just have 4 or 5 of these, and then I benefit the night.”

“If anybody has 4 or five of those, they benefit the night. That’s a dumb trick,” I stated.

“You’re dumb,” she stated.

So Eyebrows consumed her tequila and I drank my mojitos and we wound up unavoidably drunk and inevitably constructing out in the corner of that enormous beer hall at the entryway of Bangla, the one with the complete stage and live music. There was a Filipino cover band with each band member dressed from a different genre: a Bob-Marley lookalike on skins, a sensational goth chick on bass, and a flamboyant, androgynous lead vocalist in a red velour jumpsuit with a cigarette mustache and slicked back hair. He was all over the place, blending popular tunes from Michael Bublé to Beyoncé to YMCA.

Eyebrows took her sixth shot of Cuervo and I switched to San Miguel Light to hydrate.

“What should we do now?” I slurred.

“We can walk around the corner to the other bar, or go consume moo ping,” she offered.

“You know what I desire to do?”

“What?”

“I desire to find a place to lay down with you.”

I selected my words thoroughly so as to not come off weird, but then came off even creepier than if I had actually just said, Let’s go somewhere and fuck. “I desire to discover a location to put down with you” has an odd, morbid undertone to it, does not it? Like, “I wish to put down with your still-warm remains …”

“Okay.”

We discussed the logistics: we couldn’t go to my hotel because all visitors were forbidden. We were in Patong, Phuket, after all, and hotels didn’t desire the risk of unregistered hookers running around, taking toilet paper and stabbing their consumers. And Eyebrows resided in a female-only dorm room where guests weren’t enabled after sundown.

“There must be a love hotel,” she stated. We wandered the blocks surrounding Bangla Roadway, littered with motels and hotels and hostels, trying to find any sign that they charged per hour rates like in Tokyo. No such luck. We asked the front desk of among the mid-range hotels, and they gave us a suspicious and disgusted (dispicious?) look and said, Mai mee– sold out! then shooed us out. We hesitated to try that once again.

“How could you not understand of any?” I asked her. “It’s fine that you’ve done this previously. I’m great with it.”

“What type of girl do you believe I am?” she said. Well …

“Let’s just go to my hotel,” I said, beat. “I’ll just pay for another visitor.”

We went to my hotel and, fortunately, the front desk was unmanned. I quickly ushered Eyebrows to the elevator and we snuck approximately my space on the 17th flooring, kissing in the elevator and corridors along the way. We quickly undressed and got into bed where we had common sex until completion, when Eyebrows had to carry out an extraordinary completing move in order to trigger her own orgasm. We rested and she executed her maneuver once again, with surgical accuracy and consistency, and we came concurrently and violently, like some made-up scene in a shitty Hollywood film.

We woke up in the middle of the night, tangled, not understanding where one body ended and the other began. Eyebrows put her clothes on and I bid farewell to her at my door rather of the lobby.

The next day, I relocated to a hotel in downtown Phuket, away from the tourist communities and closer to my coworking workplace. Eyebrows didn’t seem shocked. “Okay, well it was good to satisfy you,” she messaged.